March 8, 2010

What a rough weekend. Dad was in the ER for the afternoon on Sunday. He's been fighting a fever since Thursday and on Sunday started complaining that his lungs hurt. Let me tell you. Scary! My mother had a sister's weekend at their house with a whole bunch of ladies and little girls. My aunt Jean was also not feeling well and had to be brought to the emergency room by ambulance. She wasn't breathing on her own and her skin was turning blue. I didn't even know that could happen to adults. So we bounced from the ER with Dad to the ICU checking up both of them. The entire family is on edge with fear. 

A friend blogged that God doesn't want us to be anxious. I read that and I thought to myself, how can I not be anxious when every day I worry that today could be the day that Dad's health starts to decline to the point where he gives up. Scary! God I pray that you take the anxiety and fear from my heart and the hearts of my family. My aunt did manage to wake up today but she isn't able to breath on her own still- so she is extremely frustrated because she wants to just rip that tube out of her throat. The doctors do not know if she will be able to breathe on her own if they take the tube out. Scary! They want to keep the tube in three days. She is scared.

Dad had his follow up scan today to see how his cancer is progressing or dissipating. We don't get the results until Friday. As is in my nature, I will worry that I am not righteous enough for God to hear and answer my prayers and that He will take my father home. Scary! I can't let my Dad see that. I have to put on a mask of strength. I don't know how long I can maintain the facade of strength. 

Today I think I will pray that God will take the fear from me and my family. I will continue to pray that He will heal my father and my aunt. I will pray that He will maintain me with the strength, courage, and wisdom that can be attained only through His Holy Spirit. 

Heavenly Father- thank you for the blessings you have poured into my life. Thank you for a loving family! Thank you that we fight and make up and grow together so that we can be there for each other when ever we are needed. Father I lift my prayers to you that You will guide me by Your Will to remove the fear within my heart. Today I want to give control over to You who controls all the world and Heaven. I pray to You, Oh Lord, that You will HEAL my father- that You the Great Physician would reach into his body and strip away all the cancer that remains within him. I pray that you HEAL my Aunt's lungs and help her breathe. Lord, I pray that You bless us with Your Holy Spirit that we will be renewed in strength, courage, wisdom and all of the fruits of Your Spirit. I pour out these requests to You Lord in the name of the most high, Jesus Christ. Amen