December 31st, 2009

It's hard to imagine that 2010 is upon us. 2009 was an eventful year but Dad's diagnosis on September 30th has occupied our thoughts the most. He is such a central part to our family's life and it hurts us to know that he has to endure the battle with cancer. He is a funny, warm, loving, gregarious man that has endured so much already. In 1990 he had cervical mylopathy which made him disabled. He was a very active, athletic man prior to that.. played baseball, softball, basketball, and golf- all in leagues that he loved to participate in. He was the center of any party at that time in his life. He coped with his change in health after years of fighting his pride. It brought him closer to us- he went from a partying man to a family man. Our lives have all been enriched because of the change that he underwent. Now, he is fighting for his life and we are continually in prayer that God will provide a miracle. Quite frankly, it's discouraging to keep praying for a miracle of healing for him and to watch his health steadily decline. A few weeks ago when he had his CAT scan and we found that his largest node was shrinking we were excited and thankful that God was hearing our prayers.. but with that news came the fact that more new nodes had grown. It was DEVASTATING! I haven't been keeping the blog up because we have been so busy with the holidays-- wanting to spend as much time with him as possible and making all of the experiences memorable. I don't know that we were successful in making them the most cherished memories.. but we definitely had a good round of holidays. We ARE THANKFUL that he didn't have to spend Thanksgiving or Christmas in the hospital like he did for Halloween.
I feel like there are times when I am shouting out to God - Why Dad?!?!?! Why NOW? It frustrates me. I yearn to be Dad's arms bearer and his courage and there are certainly times when I feel like I can be that for him.. but there are other times when I don't know what to say or do to make things right. It makes me feel weak in my faith and weak as a man not being able to fix it. How can I reconcile my faith with what is going on with Dad? For years I've been going to church and learning to walk in my faith and expressing it to Dad and he has stayed his ground in saying he believes but never going to church.. How can I be a faithful servant to my GOD and be there for Dad with biblical answers to the pain and grief he is experiencing? I am not really expecting an answer.... but it would be nice to hear one.

Dad starts a new round of Chemo this week.. a great way to bring in the new year. He is feeling mostly good- just tired a lot.. Mom is looking for answers from the Oncologist on Monday hoping to hear something that can help keep HOPE alive within us.

Dad had to face death this week head on. His oldest brother Al's girlfriend Carol passed away the day after Christmas. He, my mother, and my kids had taken an impromptu trip to visit family and they get to Rhode Island to learn she had passed. I can only imagine what Dad must be thinking.. and all of his family as they say good bye to a loved one- knowing Dad is battling a deadly disease. It hurts to think about it. It saddens me, weakens my heart, fills me with emotion and makes me wish I had more answers; more answers I'll likely not get until the time when I am called home to my Heavenly Father.

So.. what to pray. I think I will keep it simple because I am at a low point spiritually today..

Lord God thank you for being in my life. I pray for a renewed Spirit from You. I pray for healing for Dad. I pray that You are present in my life, my Dad's life, and all of my family and friend's lives in the new year. May all Glory and Honor be yours today and forever. In Jesus Christ's precious name I pray. Amen

December 16th, 2009

Dad finished another round of chemo today. He is feeling a little tired but for the most part he is feeling OK. He is still feeling a little frustrated with all the waiting around at the hospital and having to go through all of this during the holidays. My cousin Kayla spent the last two days with him while he sat through chemo. She was quiet but at least kept him company. Aunt Cindy brought him Monday. Thankfully, we have a big family and Dad has a big support system to help him through all of the stuff that cancer brings with it. Amen to that!! Today when I talked with him he wasn't sounding as sad about Christmas as he was last weekend. He at least told me he needed some sweat shirts and socks.. the man loves to get socks for Christmas!! LOL He loves to buy silly holiday socks to give to everyone and he likes to get tube socks.. That's right.. tube socks.. he claims that they help his veins and circulation in his calves.. but he was wearing tube socks up to his knees even when I was a kid (even when he wore shorts.. HAHAHAHA). Did I mention I love this man! He always keeps us amused! Dad loves to make people laugh, even at his own expense.

Today I am thankful that others are able to help bring Dad to his doctors appointments and that he is feeling better about Christmas.. and that he has a sense of humor! I think I'll pray in thanksgiving.

Lord God, thank you for the support system that You have provided for my Dad and our family. Thank you for those willing to go to doctor's appointments with Dad, thank you for all those that are keeping and lifting Dad in prayer, thank you for Dad keeping his sense of humor throughout this entire ordeal. Is that not witness to the power of Your Holy Spirit?! Father- I pray that You bless all those that are standing in support of Dad and the family, meet their needs - physically, emotionally, and spiritually. Show them the fruits of Your Holy Spirit in their lives and make it known that You are the Great Provider. Lord, I praise and worship you with a thankful heart, even in my darkest hour, I will praise You Lord. Father, I ask that you keep Joy alive in our hearts as we walk beside You in this journey. Your reasons for all that happens are beyond our understanding, and I want to understand. You know my heart, You know my desires, and You know my weaknesses Lord. I ask that You work in and through me to grant me wisdom and understanding today and in the days, weeks, months and years to come! I still pray that You will heal Dad. I desperately pray that You tough him with Your ALL powerful healing touch! Daily, I lift this request to You!
Father God, I pray that You bless my Mom with patience, love, wisdom, and courage as she stands beside my dad through this journey. Bless her according to Your will. I lift her spirit to You knowing that You never forsake us and You love us. You love us enough to send Your Son to come to earth and pay the price for our sinful nature. I am thankful for Your grace and mercy. Let us live in that Grace and Mercy and know You more.
I lift my prayers to You, Oh Lord, in the name above all names, Jesus Christ. Amen

December 14th, 2009

I haven't updated in a week. Sorry! I was/am a little heart broken. Dad's CAT scan came back with both good news and disheartening news and it's affected us a little more than we wanted it to. Dad's largest node has shrunk. That is awesome! However, he has several new small nodes that were not there for the last scan. So, prayer has been answered in that the chemo is working to shrink the largest node.. we just were hoping for more good news rather than finding out he has more nodules. He also found that he couldn't do chemo because he had liquid built up in his lungs. He was scheduled to have the fluid drained on Friday. The plan was to insert a needle through his back and into his lung to drain the excess. THANKFULLY when he went in on Friday the fluid had taken care of itself; his body had absorbed it on its own. Good thing too, he had a sleepless night Thursday night worrying about it. It would have been a painful procedure.

Then I was over there on Saturday talking with Dad about Christmas. His response in my asking him what he'd like for Christmas- "My health". All I could say was, Dad - it's what I am praying for. My heart broke a little. I want my God to reach down and touch him with His all powerful healing hand and take his pain and cancer away. What else could I say? I love my Dad and I want him to get better. He was so vulnerable and obviously disheartened with all that is going on. It's Christmas, we should be celebrating all that our Savior Jesus has done for us and here we are, a little heart broken, him living with a sickened body, and his Spirit broken.

I did talk with Dad today. He is tired from his first day of treatment. This is his third round, he is becoming a pro at the chemo drill.. but tired of waiting around for everything. He had to be at the hospital at 7 this morning but didn't start treatment until after 10. Makes it a little harder dealing with everything when he is just sitting around waiting- in a place full of sick people.

I don't know how or what to pray for today. I think I will pray for a lifted Spirit for Dad and that he would know God's love and mercy.

Heavenly Father, thank you for allowing Dad's large tumor to shrink. Thank you that he is feeling as much pain as he was in the first few weeks after diagnosis. Today, I asked for Your continued presence in Dad's journey with cancer and in the lives of our family. I specifically ask that during this holiday season Your glory can lift our spirits. I ask that Your essence flow in and through us that we might know the Joy that comes only from You. Lord, I am wrought with worry and distracted from the season because of all that is happening with Dad. I am leaning on my faith and You for strength right now. I want to be the sword bearer and courage for my Father through all of this but I am weak and I need You to work in and through me in order to be so. I am crying out to You, My LORD for all of my supplications on my own, my father's and my family's behalf. I lift these prayers to You, knowing that You hear and answer all of our prayers, in the name that is the most precious, Jesus Christ. Amen!

December 6th, 2009

It's been a while since I've updated on here. Life has been insanely busy and on top of it- I've been fighting a head cold.. so I've been staying clear of dad. I refuse to increase his risk of being sick from my being around him. It was exciting today. Wendy, Kameron, Kendra, and myself went with Mom and Dad to get our Christmas tree. I've been getting Christmas trees with Dad for years and years.. and the last couple of years we've done it as a family. It's fun.. and a fantastic family memory- hopefully one that my children will remember for years to come! I'm corny- I know.

Dad is doing well. He had a CAT scan on Friday and gets the results tomorrow just before he starts ROUND 3 of chemo. Ugh. Hard to believe it's time for another round of chemo already. We are hoping and praying that the results tomorrow are encouraging. My first and foremost prayer is that he is healed and a miracle has been given to us! If God's will is to not give us our miracle right now.. then I am praying that tomorrow's news is encouraging!

Matthew 9:27-30
27As Jesus went on from there, two blind men followed him, calling out, "Have mercy on us, Son of David!" 28When he had gone indoors, the blind men came to him, and he asked them, "Do you believe that I am able to do this?" "Yes, Lord," they replied. 29Then he touched their eyes and said, "According to your faith will it be done to you"; 30and their sight was restored.

Lord God- Great Physician and Merciful Father- Thank you for being present in my life. Thank you for the family that You have blessed me with. Thank you for preparing me for such a time as this! Lord, I lift my father's health to You. I stand in awe of Your magnificent power and ask that You stretch Your Holy Spirit into my father and heal him of his cancer. I pray that when he meets with his oncologist tomorrow that good news be delivered. Father God, You are in control and I ask, no- I bend my knee in supplication that You cure his cancer- that You erase the infected cells from his body. Lord God - all GLORY be unto YOU! I believe that You are more than able to answer this prayer and that You CAN cure him. Lord I trust in You and know that Your WILL is based on truth beyond my understanding. I pray that Your will can be a miracle for Dad. Lord, I lift this prayer to You by the name above all other names, Jesus Christ, Amen!

November 27th, 2009

Psalm 136:1-3

Psalm 136

¹ Give thanks to the LORD, for he is good.
His love endures forever.

² Give thanks to the God of gods.
His love endures forever.

³ Give thanks to the Lord of lords:
His love endures forever.

What a fantastic Thanksgiving we had as a family. I know that I tend to think of Thanksgiving as all about the food but this year it was so much more. We hosted and had 19 people over. When Wendy and I first found out it was going to be so many people we were very nervous. Wendy stayed nervous until after dessert- LOL. I had this sense of anticipation and excitement and we were blessed. We were surrounded by loving family. Everyone was in great spirit, we were blessed with Joy. Dad had a good day, only getting tired a couple of times- THANK YOU GOD that he wasn't sick through another holiday that he loves (he is still not over being in the hospital for Halloween). We had it all, really. It's one of those moments that you realize you don't have to have everything to have it all. We, as a family, connected, ate, laughed, were thankful, prayed together at the dinner table and just experienced a GREAT family day of THANKSGIVING!

So today, I pray a prayer of thanksgiving for a good day, great family, and the experience of merriment and joy at our Thanksgiving Holiday gathering!!

Lord God, THANK YOU for your mercy and grace in my life and in the lives of my friends and family! I PRAISE YOU for the joy, love and merriment that You blessed us with yesterday. ALL glory be unto You! I know that ALL THINGS ARE POSSIBLE THROUGH YOU MY SAVIOR JESUS CHRIST and I know that You were present with me and my family yesterday and I stand and SHOUT to You, OH GOD- THANK YOU! PRAISE YOU! GLORY TO YOU! ALLELUIA! ALLELUIA! Thank You that YOUR LOVE ENDURES forever, through ALL circumstances and in each of our hearts in a unique way. I lift my praises and thanksgiving prayer to You, my HEAVENLY FATHER, in the name that reigns forever with You, Jesus Christ. Amen!!

November 24th, 2009 -

Today is a new day! I talked with Dad tonight and he is doing well. Sandy (my mother-in-law) brought him to his doctor's appointment today (nothing bad- just blood work--- which seems to be a constant now that he is having Chemo). He treated her to breakfast after the appointment which I thought was very cool of him. It was great that my mother-in-law was able to bring him to his appointment. I thank GOD for her.
We are getting ready for the big day on Thursday. We have about 20 coming for dinner on Thanksgiving!! How blessed are we to be able to share our meal with so much family. Local family and family from Massachusetts and Rhode Island. AWESOME! So, today, while I am feeling all warm and filled with anticipation of the holiday (and before the real cooking, hard work, and clean up begin) I am praying for my extended family.

Lord God, THANK YOU for blessing me with such a large and loving family. Thank you for the hearts of joy and love that each of them bring into our family. Father, I ask today that You bless the family You have given me. We are a lot filled with brokenness, desperation, and sometimes completely lost but always filled with LOVE Father, I pray that You reach out to each member of my family and plant a seed of desire for your kingdom within their hearts. Let them know Your glory. Let them know Your Joy. Let them feel Your Holy Spirit. Father God, I ask especially for Thursday- that Your presence would fill our house and that we can feel Your comfort and peace as we celebrate the day. I lift these prayers to you in the name most high, Jesus Christ. Amen

Dad had a good day today.. He bought my son a BB gun for Christmas. He, my mother, and Kameron went to Wal-Mart today (one of his favorite places to go) and he bought Kameron the gun, some BB's and a package of targets. Wendy and I caught them at the store and all I can say is that they were both (Dad and Kameron) SUPER EXCITED to get the BB gun for Kameron!! It was awesome! Then Mom came around the corner and was SUPER TICKED that Dad let Kameron know he was getting the BB gun for Christmas. After I let her know that he had already paid for it, she was less than thrilled.. but they eventually compromised and Kameron will wait for Christmas to get the gun. I am sure it will be the present he is the most excited about this year. I am glad that Dad got so excited about the gift. It filled him with JOY to be able to get him that.. because Wendy and I have been telling him no for years.. But Kameron is 11 this year.. and I think he can handle a BB gun (of course, we will require adult supervision at all times). So.. today I am praying for Dad to keep finding the moments of Joy.

Dear Lord, thank you for today. Thank you for an excellent time of worship at the Farmington Branch of Grace Community Church. Father, I thank you for joy and come to you today with a heart of thanksgiving that you are able to bring Joy to Dad. I know there are a lot of people that suffer through Cancer and it amazes me that at any time throughout the struggle that Joy can be found.. and yet, You continue to show me the times of Joy that Dad has experienced. Thank you Lord for the relationship that Kameron is experiencing with his "Bumpa". My heart fills with joy to know they are so close. Father God I ask also, that you would envelope Dad with Your healing hands and cure him of this cancer. Lord God, I know that I bring the same prayers to you on a regular basis but I know that You hear and answer our prayers and so, as Your word says, I pray to you day and night for a cure, for healing, for joy, for relationships, for Your presence in my WHOLE families' lives. I lift my prayers to you in the most noble of names, Jesus Christ. Amen.

November 21st, 2009

Today is Saturday.. I missed a day.. all I can say in my defense is that it's been a crazy busy week at work. I talked with Dad last night. He had to have a shot after 24 hours from his last chemo treatment to help with his white blood cell count. I think it is called Neulasta. Another friend of the family brought Dad for his appointment; Jen. Dad told me she brought him on an adventure looking for a specific donut! 3 Dunkin Donuts and a Honey Dew later and she found her chocolate cake chocolate frosted donut. Hysterical! Dad enjoyed the mini-adventure. He was able to get out of the house and get around instead of being stuck home alone all day. It helps him to keep busy so he isn't dwelling on all that could be going on with his Chemo and cancer. So, THANK YOU JEN for Dad's mini -adventure and for being willing to play taxi for Dad. So today, I think I'm going to pray thankfully for the little side adventures that help us keep our mind off the bad stuff and count them as a blessing!

Heavenly Father, it amazes me how much You think of all that we need in our daily lives. Today, I am especially thankful for the little distractions You allow us to experience to keep us from dwelling on those things that could go wrong. Lord, I pray for a special blessing on Jen today, fill her with Your Holy Spirit and rest within her heart that she may experience Your love anew. Father God, I ask that you touch Dad with Your healing hand today. I pray that You heal his cancer and his body. I pray that You do a work in him that brings You ALL glory. Thank you Lord for good friends, for chocolate cake chocolate frosted donuts, for hearing and answering our prayers, and for walking along side us in our daily lives. Lord, I know that these prayers have some silliness to them but it brings me comfort to know that You hear all of our prayers, no matter how great or how small. Thank you for the blessings You bring into our lives today. I lift my prayer to you, Oh Lord, in the name of Jesus Christ. Amen

November 19th, 2009

I haven't had a chance to talk with Dad to see how he is feeling but I talked to him last night after his 3rd round of chemo. Much to my surprise, he was feeling much better than his last round after the 3rd day. Hooray!! The nurses explained that they gave him his Benadryl on Monday rather than yesterday (explains why he slept for 3 hours of his treatment that day). He was feeling so well yesterday he went out shopping! Dad loves the Dollar tree and Wal-Mart. They are two of his favorite places these last few years. I love that he loves shopping now, because for years he hated it and only shopped on Christmas Eve at Rich's department store (which doesn't exist in our neck of the woods anymore). So today, the prayer is for the joy of doing the small things that make you happy.

Lord God, Thank you for Joy; One of the many gifts you have given us. Such a small word but it means so much to find joy when we are in the midst of struggle. Thank you that Dad was able to get around yesterday and do some shopping and that he was able to find a glimpse of joy in the midst of his struggle with cancer. I still pray that You touch him with Your healing hands but it is important that I acknowledge that You work in and through us in BIG ways and SMALL ways. It amazes me how You think of us even in the small things. I ask that You continue to help my father and all of us find joy in the small things, regardless of the situation we are in. All things are possible with You! I life this prayer to You, Oh Lord, in Your son's precious name, Jesus Christ. Amen

November 18th, 2009

Today I am at work while Dad is at his third day of Chemo this round. Last time this was his worst day, and unfortunately, I haven't talked to him yet today to see how he is doing. He is in good hands. His good friend, Sonny, took him to his doctor's appointment today and then on to his Chemo treatment. They should both be home by now. What a true blessing to my Dad to have a friend that is available and willing to bring him to his appointments and sit there with him while the Chemo steadily but slowly drips into Dad. Today, I pray for Sonny and good friends!

Heavenly Father, I am so in awe of the amazing friendships that are present in my father's life. Thank you for blessing him with so many good friends. Friendship is true fellowship and brings Glory to your name. Father God, I ask that you bless Sonny today for his willingness to help out a friend in need. Fill him with Your limitless Holy Spirit. Lord touch Sonny's heart anew and bring him into a closer relationship with You that he may continue to pour out the light within him as You have led him to do. Let Sonny bond closer with Dad through this experience and help to bring my father in closer relationship with You. Lord, I ask that you spread Your arms WIDE and reach out to all of the friends of our family and BLESS them according to Your Right and Just WILL. Father God, it is by your hand that we know love. It is through Your word and the blessings you have bestowed on each of us that we can cherish the friendships we have formed. Bless them Lord. I lift my eyes and heart to you in prayer today Lord in the name that is most cherished, Jesus Christ. Amen

November 17th, 2009

Today I am at the hospital with Dad for day 2 of his 2nd round of chemo. He is doing remarkably well. He is sitting here watching the History channel about World War II. Yes, our love of history is something we share. That's pretty cool. Dad did great through Chemo yesterday and was able to eat breakfast and dinner. Today is an easier day than yesterday as far as the chemo goes.. but let's face it.. no day of Chemo is a great day. When we leave here I have to go to work tonight for a significant IT effort which means I'll likely be at work until midnight or so. Dad's friend Sonny will be bringing him to Chemo tomorrow. It's great that Dad has a support group large enough that my Mom doesn't have to take all the time out of work for all of his doctor's appointments.

Special shout out today for the nurse that has been doing Dad's chemo the last couple of days.. Gina.. she is so sweet and nice. It's been great the last couple of days. She is a really nice nurse and has really made Dad feel comfortable while he takes this poison in his chest (that's where is shunt is located). Thanks for being so great Gina!

Today's prayer:

Lord God, Thank you for the encouragement and aptitude of the nursing staff at Frisbee Memorial Hospital in the Cancer Treatment Center. Lord God, bless them with the presence of Your Holy Spirit. They are so gracious Lord and I ask that you go before their every step today and bless them with the encouragement and support that they provide to their patients. Lord God, I also pray for Dad today. I ask that you touch him with Your Great Physician's hand and heal him of his cancer. I pray that Your will is for his survival. I continue to pray and believe that miracles are possible and that You will bring Dad through this and Your Glory will be magnified. I pray to You, Oh Lord, in the most Glorious of all names, Jesus Christ. Amen

November 16th 2009

Today is my first attempt at blogging. It may be that I am terrible at it but I thought it would be a good way to explore some of the feelings I am going through and a way for me to express myself in prayer in a written format. To introduce myself, my name is Steven. I am married to a wonderful woman named Wendy and together we have two fantastic children.. Kameron and Kendra. I have an enormous extended family but have just a single sibling, Selina. My parents are Joan and Steven Sr.. It is because of my family that I have decided to start writing a prayer blog. Dad was diagnosed with extensive stage small cell lung cancer on September 30th, 2009. Today, as I write this blog I am sitting with him at the hospital as he gets his first day of his second round of chemo-therapy treatment. Sounds like a bit much to take in, I know. He has a round of chemo-therapy every 21 days that last for 3 days. All of this, I was unaware of until the fateful day in September when he was first diagnosed. After the shock and dismay of it all, my family quickly learned a lot about Cancer and how it affects EVERYTHING in your life.

So.. to deal with some of the affects on my life.. I am planning to blog a prayer as frequently as possible. There may be no blog followers.. but I know that God will know the intent of these prayers and I believe that he answers ALL prayer.

Heavenly Father, THANK YOU for the man that is my earthly Father. Thank you for the joy that he has brought into my life. Thank you for the parent that he is and the "Bumpa" that he is to mine and my sisters' children. Thank you for the example of love he has been through his marriage to my Mom. Today Father, I ask that you touch my earthly father with your healing touch. As he endures chemo-therapy Lord bring him peace and comfort. Lord, my greatest request, is that you remove the cancer from his body and deliver a miracle. I know, through your word, that you hear and answer all prayer according to your right and just will. I pray that your will is to heal my Dad and that it brings him in closer relationship to you all for YOUR GLORY. Father God, be with our family in the journey ahead of us and bless us with the presence of your Holy Spirit in all we do. Let Your Will guide us in all we do. I pray to you, Oh Lord, in the name above all names, Jesus Christ. Amen.