December 14th, 2009

I haven't updated in a week. Sorry! I was/am a little heart broken. Dad's CAT scan came back with both good news and disheartening news and it's affected us a little more than we wanted it to. Dad's largest node has shrunk. That is awesome! However, he has several new small nodes that were not there for the last scan. So, prayer has been answered in that the chemo is working to shrink the largest node.. we just were hoping for more good news rather than finding out he has more nodules. He also found that he couldn't do chemo because he had liquid built up in his lungs. He was scheduled to have the fluid drained on Friday. The plan was to insert a needle through his back and into his lung to drain the excess. THANKFULLY when he went in on Friday the fluid had taken care of itself; his body had absorbed it on its own. Good thing too, he had a sleepless night Thursday night worrying about it. It would have been a painful procedure.

Then I was over there on Saturday talking with Dad about Christmas. His response in my asking him what he'd like for Christmas- "My health". All I could say was, Dad - it's what I am praying for. My heart broke a little. I want my God to reach down and touch him with His all powerful healing hand and take his pain and cancer away. What else could I say? I love my Dad and I want him to get better. He was so vulnerable and obviously disheartened with all that is going on. It's Christmas, we should be celebrating all that our Savior Jesus has done for us and here we are, a little heart broken, him living with a sickened body, and his Spirit broken.

I did talk with Dad today. He is tired from his first day of treatment. This is his third round, he is becoming a pro at the chemo drill.. but tired of waiting around for everything. He had to be at the hospital at 7 this morning but didn't start treatment until after 10. Makes it a little harder dealing with everything when he is just sitting around waiting- in a place full of sick people.

I don't know how or what to pray for today. I think I will pray for a lifted Spirit for Dad and that he would know God's love and mercy.

Heavenly Father, thank you for allowing Dad's large tumor to shrink. Thank you that he is feeling as much pain as he was in the first few weeks after diagnosis. Today, I asked for Your continued presence in Dad's journey with cancer and in the lives of our family. I specifically ask that during this holiday season Your glory can lift our spirits. I ask that Your essence flow in and through us that we might know the Joy that comes only from You. Lord, I am wrought with worry and distracted from the season because of all that is happening with Dad. I am leaning on my faith and You for strength right now. I want to be the sword bearer and courage for my Father through all of this but I am weak and I need You to work in and through me in order to be so. I am crying out to You, My LORD for all of my supplications on my own, my father's and my family's behalf. I lift these prayers to You, knowing that You hear and answer all of our prayers, in the name that is the most precious, Jesus Christ. Amen!