It's hard to imagine that 2010 is upon us. 2009 was an eventful year but Dad's diagnosis on September 30th has occupied our thoughts the most. He is such a central part to our family's life and it hurts us to know that he has to endure the battle with cancer. He is a funny, warm, loving, gregarious man that has endured so much already. In 1990 he had cervical mylopathy which made him disabled. He was a very active, athletic man prior to that.. played baseball, softball, basketball, and golf- all in leagues that he loved to participate in. He was the center of any party at that time in his life. He coped with his change in health after years of fighting his pride. It brought him closer to us- he went from a partying man to a family man. Our lives have all been enriched because of the change that he underwent. Now, he is fighting for his life and we are continually in prayer that God will provide a miracle. Quite frankly, it's discouraging to keep praying for a miracle of healing for him and to watch his health steadily decline. A few weeks ago when he had his CAT scan and we found that his largest node was shrinking we were excited and thankful that God was hearing our prayers.. but with that news came the fact that more new nodes had grown. It was DEVASTATING! I haven't been keeping the blog up because we have been so busy with the holidays-- wanting to spend as much time with him as possible and making all of the experiences memorable. I don't know that we were successful in making them the most cherished memories.. but we definitely had a good round of holidays. We ARE THANKFUL that he didn't have to spend Thanksgiving or Christmas in the hospital like he did for Halloween.
I feel like there are times when I am shouting out to God - Why Dad?!?!?! Why NOW? It frustrates me. I yearn to be Dad's arms bearer and his courage and there are certainly times when I feel like I can be that for him.. but there are other times when I don't know what to say or do to make things right. It makes me feel weak in my faith and weak as a man not being able to fix it. How can I reconcile my faith with what is going on with Dad? For years I've been going to church and learning to walk in my faith and expressing it to Dad and he has stayed his ground in saying he believes but never going to church.. How can I be a faithful servant to my GOD and be there for Dad with biblical answers to the pain and grief he is experiencing? I am not really expecting an answer.... but it would be nice to hear one.
Dad starts a new round of Chemo this week.. a great way to bring in the new year. He is feeling mostly good- just tired a lot.. Mom is looking for answers from the Oncologist on Monday hoping to hear something that can help keep HOPE alive within us.
Dad had to face death this week head on. His oldest brother Al's girlfriend Carol passed away the day after Christmas. He, my mother, and my kids had taken an impromptu trip to visit family and they get to Rhode Island to learn she had passed. I can only imagine what Dad must be thinking.. and all of his family as they say good bye to a loved one- knowing Dad is battling a deadly disease. It hurts to think about it. It saddens me, weakens my heart, fills me with emotion and makes me wish I had more answers; more answers I'll likely not get until the time when I am called home to my Heavenly Father.
So.. what to pray. I think I will keep it simple because I am at a low point spiritually today..
Lord God thank you for being in my life. I pray for a renewed Spirit from You. I pray for healing for Dad. I pray that You are present in my life, my Dad's life, and all of my family and friend's lives in the new year. May all Glory and Honor be yours today and forever. In Jesus Christ's precious name I pray. Amen
Thursday, December 31, 2009
Wednesday, December 16, 2009
December 16th, 2009
Dad finished another round of chemo today. He is feeling a little tired but for the most part he is feeling OK. He is still feeling a little frustrated with all the waiting around at the hospital and having to go through all of this during the holidays. My cousin Kayla spent the last two days with him while he sat through chemo. She was quiet but at least kept him company. Aunt Cindy brought him Monday. Thankfully, we have a big family and Dad has a big support system to help him through all of the stuff that cancer brings with it. Amen to that!! Today when I talked with him he wasn't sounding as sad about Christmas as he was last weekend. He at least told me he needed some sweat shirts and socks.. the man loves to get socks for Christmas!! LOL He loves to buy silly holiday socks to give to everyone and he likes to get tube socks.. That's right.. tube socks.. he claims that they help his veins and circulation in his calves.. but he was wearing tube socks up to his knees even when I was a kid (even when he wore shorts.. HAHAHAHA). Did I mention I love this man! He always keeps us amused! Dad loves to make people laugh, even at his own expense.
Today I am thankful that others are able to help bring Dad to his doctors appointments and that he is feeling better about Christmas.. and that he has a sense of humor! I think I'll pray in thanksgiving.
Lord God, thank you for the support system that You have provided for my Dad and our family. Thank you for those willing to go to doctor's appointments with Dad, thank you for all those that are keeping and lifting Dad in prayer, thank you for Dad keeping his sense of humor throughout this entire ordeal. Is that not witness to the power of Your Holy Spirit?! Father- I pray that You bless all those that are standing in support of Dad and the family, meet their needs - physically, emotionally, and spiritually. Show them the fruits of Your Holy Spirit in their lives and make it known that You are the Great Provider. Lord, I praise and worship you with a thankful heart, even in my darkest hour, I will praise You Lord. Father, I ask that you keep Joy alive in our hearts as we walk beside You in this journey. Your reasons for all that happens are beyond our understanding, and I want to understand. You know my heart, You know my desires, and You know my weaknesses Lord. I ask that You work in and through me to grant me wisdom and understanding today and in the days, weeks, months and years to come! I still pray that You will heal Dad. I desperately pray that You tough him with Your ALL powerful healing touch! Daily, I lift this request to You!
Father God, I pray that You bless my Mom with patience, love, wisdom, and courage as she stands beside my dad through this journey. Bless her according to Your will. I lift her spirit to You knowing that You never forsake us and You love us. You love us enough to send Your Son to come to earth and pay the price for our sinful nature. I am thankful for Your grace and mercy. Let us live in that Grace and Mercy and know You more.
I lift my prayers to You, Oh Lord, in the name above all names, Jesus Christ. Amen
Today I am thankful that others are able to help bring Dad to his doctors appointments and that he is feeling better about Christmas.. and that he has a sense of humor! I think I'll pray in thanksgiving.
Lord God, thank you for the support system that You have provided for my Dad and our family. Thank you for those willing to go to doctor's appointments with Dad, thank you for all those that are keeping and lifting Dad in prayer, thank you for Dad keeping his sense of humor throughout this entire ordeal. Is that not witness to the power of Your Holy Spirit?! Father- I pray that You bless all those that are standing in support of Dad and the family, meet their needs - physically, emotionally, and spiritually. Show them the fruits of Your Holy Spirit in their lives and make it known that You are the Great Provider. Lord, I praise and worship you with a thankful heart, even in my darkest hour, I will praise You Lord. Father, I ask that you keep Joy alive in our hearts as we walk beside You in this journey. Your reasons for all that happens are beyond our understanding, and I want to understand. You know my heart, You know my desires, and You know my weaknesses Lord. I ask that You work in and through me to grant me wisdom and understanding today and in the days, weeks, months and years to come! I still pray that You will heal Dad. I desperately pray that You tough him with Your ALL powerful healing touch! Daily, I lift this request to You!
Father God, I pray that You bless my Mom with patience, love, wisdom, and courage as she stands beside my dad through this journey. Bless her according to Your will. I lift her spirit to You knowing that You never forsake us and You love us. You love us enough to send Your Son to come to earth and pay the price for our sinful nature. I am thankful for Your grace and mercy. Let us live in that Grace and Mercy and know You more.
I lift my prayers to You, Oh Lord, in the name above all names, Jesus Christ. Amen
Monday, December 14, 2009
December 14th, 2009
I haven't updated in a week. Sorry! I was/am a little heart broken. Dad's CAT scan came back with both good news and disheartening news and it's affected us a little more than we wanted it to. Dad's largest node has shrunk. That is awesome! However, he has several new small nodes that were not there for the last scan. So, prayer has been answered in that the chemo is working to shrink the largest node.. we just were hoping for more good news rather than finding out he has more nodules. He also found that he couldn't do chemo because he had liquid built up in his lungs. He was scheduled to have the fluid drained on Friday. The plan was to insert a needle through his back and into his lung to drain the excess. THANKFULLY when he went in on Friday the fluid had taken care of itself; his body had absorbed it on its own. Good thing too, he had a sleepless night Thursday night worrying about it. It would have been a painful procedure.
Then I was over there on Saturday talking with Dad about Christmas. His response in my asking him what he'd like for Christmas- "My health". All I could say was, Dad - it's what I am praying for. My heart broke a little. I want my God to reach down and touch him with His all powerful healing hand and take his pain and cancer away. What else could I say? I love my Dad and I want him to get better. He was so vulnerable and obviously disheartened with all that is going on. It's Christmas, we should be celebrating all that our Savior Jesus has done for us and here we are, a little heart broken, him living with a sickened body, and his Spirit broken.
I did talk with Dad today. He is tired from his first day of treatment. This is his third round, he is becoming a pro at the chemo drill.. but tired of waiting around for everything. He had to be at the hospital at 7 this morning but didn't start treatment until after 10. Makes it a little harder dealing with everything when he is just sitting around waiting- in a place full of sick people.
I don't know how or what to pray for today. I think I will pray for a lifted Spirit for Dad and that he would know God's love and mercy.
Heavenly Father, thank you for allowing Dad's large tumor to shrink. Thank you that he is feeling as much pain as he was in the first few weeks after diagnosis. Today, I asked for Your continued presence in Dad's journey with cancer and in the lives of our family. I specifically ask that during this holiday season Your glory can lift our spirits. I ask that Your essence flow in and through us that we might know the Joy that comes only from You. Lord, I am wrought with worry and distracted from the season because of all that is happening with Dad. I am leaning on my faith and You for strength right now. I want to be the sword bearer and courage for my Father through all of this but I am weak and I need You to work in and through me in order to be so. I am crying out to You, My LORD for all of my supplications on my own, my father's and my family's behalf. I lift these prayers to You, knowing that You hear and answer all of our prayers, in the name that is the most precious, Jesus Christ. Amen!
Then I was over there on Saturday talking with Dad about Christmas. His response in my asking him what he'd like for Christmas- "My health". All I could say was, Dad - it's what I am praying for. My heart broke a little. I want my God to reach down and touch him with His all powerful healing hand and take his pain and cancer away. What else could I say? I love my Dad and I want him to get better. He was so vulnerable and obviously disheartened with all that is going on. It's Christmas, we should be celebrating all that our Savior Jesus has done for us and here we are, a little heart broken, him living with a sickened body, and his Spirit broken.
I did talk with Dad today. He is tired from his first day of treatment. This is his third round, he is becoming a pro at the chemo drill.. but tired of waiting around for everything. He had to be at the hospital at 7 this morning but didn't start treatment until after 10. Makes it a little harder dealing with everything when he is just sitting around waiting- in a place full of sick people.
I don't know how or what to pray for today. I think I will pray for a lifted Spirit for Dad and that he would know God's love and mercy.
Heavenly Father, thank you for allowing Dad's large tumor to shrink. Thank you that he is feeling as much pain as he was in the first few weeks after diagnosis. Today, I asked for Your continued presence in Dad's journey with cancer and in the lives of our family. I specifically ask that during this holiday season Your glory can lift our spirits. I ask that Your essence flow in and through us that we might know the Joy that comes only from You. Lord, I am wrought with worry and distracted from the season because of all that is happening with Dad. I am leaning on my faith and You for strength right now. I want to be the sword bearer and courage for my Father through all of this but I am weak and I need You to work in and through me in order to be so. I am crying out to You, My LORD for all of my supplications on my own, my father's and my family's behalf. I lift these prayers to You, knowing that You hear and answer all of our prayers, in the name that is the most precious, Jesus Christ. Amen!
Sunday, December 6, 2009
December 6th, 2009
It's been a while since I've updated on here. Life has been insanely busy and on top of it- I've been fighting a head cold.. so I've been staying clear of dad. I refuse to increase his risk of being sick from my being around him. It was exciting today. Wendy, Kameron, Kendra, and myself went with Mom and Dad to get our Christmas tree. I've been getting Christmas trees with Dad for years and years.. and the last couple of years we've done it as a family. It's fun.. and a fantastic family memory- hopefully one that my children will remember for years to come! I'm corny- I know.
Dad is doing well. He had a CAT scan on Friday and gets the results tomorrow just before he starts ROUND 3 of chemo. Ugh. Hard to believe it's time for another round of chemo already. We are hoping and praying that the results tomorrow are encouraging. My first and foremost prayer is that he is healed and a miracle has been given to us! If God's will is to not give us our miracle right now.. then I am praying that tomorrow's news is encouraging!
Matthew 9:27-30
27As Jesus went on from there, two blind men followed him, calling out, "Have mercy on us, Son of David!" 28When he had gone indoors, the blind men came to him, and he asked them, "Do you believe that I am able to do this?" "Yes, Lord," they replied. 29Then he touched their eyes and said, "According to your faith will it be done to you"; 30and their sight was restored.
Lord God- Great Physician and Merciful Father- Thank you for being present in my life. Thank you for the family that You have blessed me with. Thank you for preparing me for such a time as this! Lord, I lift my father's health to You. I stand in awe of Your magnificent power and ask that You stretch Your Holy Spirit into my father and heal him of his cancer. I pray that when he meets with his oncologist tomorrow that good news be delivered. Father God, You are in control and I ask, no- I bend my knee in supplication that You cure his cancer- that You erase the infected cells from his body. Lord God - all GLORY be unto YOU! I believe that You are more than able to answer this prayer and that You CAN cure him. Lord I trust in You and know that Your WILL is based on truth beyond my understanding. I pray that Your will can be a miracle for Dad. Lord, I lift this prayer to You by the name above all other names, Jesus Christ, Amen!
Dad is doing well. He had a CAT scan on Friday and gets the results tomorrow just before he starts ROUND 3 of chemo. Ugh. Hard to believe it's time for another round of chemo already. We are hoping and praying that the results tomorrow are encouraging. My first and foremost prayer is that he is healed and a miracle has been given to us! If God's will is to not give us our miracle right now.. then I am praying that tomorrow's news is encouraging!
Matthew 9:27-30
27As Jesus went on from there, two blind men followed him, calling out, "Have mercy on us, Son of David!" 28When he had gone indoors, the blind men came to him, and he asked them, "Do you believe that I am able to do this?" "Yes, Lord," they replied. 29Then he touched their eyes and said, "According to your faith will it be done to you"; 30and their sight was restored.
Lord God- Great Physician and Merciful Father- Thank you for being present in my life. Thank you for the family that You have blessed me with. Thank you for preparing me for such a time as this! Lord, I lift my father's health to You. I stand in awe of Your magnificent power and ask that You stretch Your Holy Spirit into my father and heal him of his cancer. I pray that when he meets with his oncologist tomorrow that good news be delivered. Father God, You are in control and I ask, no- I bend my knee in supplication that You cure his cancer- that You erase the infected cells from his body. Lord God - all GLORY be unto YOU! I believe that You are more than able to answer this prayer and that You CAN cure him. Lord I trust in You and know that Your WILL is based on truth beyond my understanding. I pray that Your will can be a miracle for Dad. Lord, I lift this prayer to You by the name above all other names, Jesus Christ, Amen!
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